These can be some of the most dreadful words that you could ever hear when it comes from certain people. An urgent unexpected request that we have said ‘Yes’ out of being nice. And then we curse ourselves and comply with the request. Or come up with an absurd lie and hope to not get caught.
The problem is because we fail to set boundaries in our relationship with others. How do we set boundaries and win back our life?
Once we can remove things that guarantee failure, success will eventually happen if you try hard enough. Following through and sticking to a process does not guarantee success. But not doing so can guarantee failure. We have already discussed about the importance of the process here, here and here. When I look at things and events in my life where I have guaranteed failure vs risked success, one thing stands out: An Accountability partner.
A conflict may strengthen or weaken a relationship all based on our conversation style. When handled well a conflict may help us understand the other person better and create deeper bonds. When handled poorly, it may result in deterioration to ultimate death of the relationship. While examples here primarily relate to marital conflicts as the psychologist who researched it specialized on the same , the learning may be extended across a team, parent-child, siblings, boss – subordinate etc. Whoever starts the conflict, you have the power to redirect it for the better, do not give it up.
Dr. Gottman, a renowned Psychologist categorizes the argumentative communication into four styles, nick named ‘Four Horsemen‘, a biblical reference to end of the world : Criticism, Contempt, defensiveness and Stonewalling.
I was standing with my friend Kalpana outside the office building. She had asked me to wait today so that I can meet her fiance. She was quite excited to meet him after a few days and was also equally excited to introduce him to me.
We had been waiting for 30 mins and I was running late. I was feeling bad for her. She was unable to reach him and we were unsure if we had to wait further or leave.
I am meeting Rahini today after nearly a decade. We were best buddies in college, almost inseparable. But life got in the way and some how we had lost in touch. Thanks to Facebook, she somehow found me and messaged and now we are going to meet in a Cafe’ Coffee day by Besant Nagar Beach.
I’m pretty excited, I’m sure she would be too. I can’t believe that we were in the same city all the while and we never met. But thanks to Facebook 🙂 I love you FB.
On the 15th of April, my wife Priya and I celebrated our first marriage anniversary. We had a wonderful time at two beach resorts on the Konkan coast, Harihareshwar and Velneshwar. We got away from the crowd, enjoyed quality time alone, but we also got to do something that we hold very dear – quarterly reviews of the things that we want to achieve together and a reflective look at a year of marriage. We realised that both of us had learnt a lot from each other and each other’s families. I realised that a lot of key points had made our marriage so successful in the one year that seemed to rush by, my best year in life by far. Continue reading What I am overjoyed about after a year of marriage